Life is not so short but that there is always time
for courtesy.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Hi everyone!
This morning I read an excellent article on incivility, published by the Ontario Medical Association Physician Health Program this spring. As I read it, I was reminded that uncivil behaviour can be an important early warning sign of compassion fatigue. When our nerve endings are frayed through secondary trauma exposure and burnout, we can find it difficult to rub up against others without creating sparks.
Reflecting on this article, I was reminded of many situations where I'd witnessed helping professionals treating colleagues, students, co-workers or patients/clients and families in ways that Miss Manners would find appalling. (And I was surprised at how clearly some of those uncivil memories were etched in my mind.)
I remembered a family physician who threw a stack of charts on the floor of the nurses station because he couldn't find a needed lab result and an ophthamologist who berated a nurse in full view of patients, visitors and staff because she couldn't find a functioning ophthalmoscope. I also remembered students shamed during departmental grand rounds for daring to offer a different viewpoint from the traditional and a social worker who made caustic, belittling remarks to a female patient who had chosen to return home with an abusive husband. And then there was the cardiologist who arrived on the ward to see his patients during the nurses' shift-change report. Instead of asking for help, he sat within 3 feet of the nurses' meeting, with his feet propped on the table, singing loudly until someone left the report to accompany him on his rounds.
Unfortunately, I was also forced to remember my own reactive rudeness with an emergency nurse who called thirty minutes before the end of an exhausting 12 hour day shift to say that she was transferring a patient with a possible heart attack to our coronary care unit before the end of the shift. (Meaning that I would have to stay overtime to admit and settle the patient while the night nurses received shift-change report from my partner.) I was not a happy camper but I needn't have been quite so terse and irritated in expressing that unhappiness.
Civility is defined by the US Institute for Civility in Government in this way:
Civility is about more than just politeness, although politeness is a necessary first step. It is about disagreeing without disrespect, seeking common ground as a starting point for dialogue about differences, listening past one's preconceptions, and teaching others to do the same.
Civility is the hard work of staying present even with those with whom we have deep-rooted and fierce disagreements. It is political in the sense that it is a necessary prerequisite for civic action. But it is political, too, in the sense that it is about negotiating interpersonal power such that everyone's voice is heard and nobody's is ignored.
Civility is claiming and caring for one's identity, needs and beliefs without degrading someone else's in the process.
Incivility, on the other hand, is a stressor causing both the recipients and witnesses to experience distress, anxiety, and depression and contributing to the development of psychosomatic illness, burnout and compassion fatigue in the workplace. People on the receiving end of incivility frequently feel either an immediate or a slow-burning desire to retaliate, leading to widespread conflict in and attrition from organizations.
We human beings need civil behaviour in order to build healthy communities and safe workplaces. It is a necessary prerequisite for psychological safety both in relationships and in working environments. A culture of unhappiness and under-performance will grow very quickly when incivility is allowed to take root.
So, how do we go about creating a civil workplace or community? Basically, it's a matter of good self-care and following the Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
1. Pay attention to your feelings and patterns of behaviour. If you're normally kind and compassionate in your dealings with others and you find yourself increasingly irritated by situations or acting out your feelings rather than talking them out, it may be time to take a break or to schedule an appointment with your trauma or grief counsellor.
2. Practice exquisite self care and self compassion. As they say in the 12 step programs, don't get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired (HALT). When your personal needs are unmet, you are more likely to overreact to situations or act out your feelings.
3. Use the civil language you were taught in childhood - please, thank you, you're welcome, would you mind, excuse me, I'm sorry. Avoid obscenities, degrading or harsh language and sarcasm.
4. Be a good steward of the environment. Clean up after yourself. Make the next pot of coffee when you take the last cup. Arrange for repairs if you break something. Replace supplies you use. Offer to pick up supplies for others when you go to a supply room or to another department. Return things you borrow.
5. Show respect for others. Learn people's names. Recognize others' contributions and don't take credit if the credit doesn't belong to you. Respect deadlines. Show up for meetings or to help other colleagues at the agreed-upon time. Acknowledge requests and give a time frame for your response. Recognize difficult periods in your co-workers' lives. If you've finished your work, offer to help others.
6. Avoid invading people's personal space. Keep music, phone conversations and strong odours to yourself. Knock and await permission to enter. Try not to interrupt others when they're talking or working. Don't come to work with a contagious illness. Share the air at meetings.
7. Praise in public, admonish in private.
8. Avoid gossip and contentious topics of conversation. ie religion, politics and sex.
9. Be sensitive to cultural differences. Ask questions and learn more if you lack awareness.
10. If, in spite of your best efforts, you become aware that you have been uncivil with someone, be sure to apologize, authentically, to the person involved to rebuild the interpersonal bridge between you.
