Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Blessing for the Longest Night ...


Those of you who have attended my workshops will know of my love for the notion of blessing. Blessings, according to Celtic teacher and poet, John O'Donohue, are circles of light drawn around people to protect, heal and strengthen.

In the past, I have shared with you some blessings written by John O'Donohue. Today I would like to offer you a Solstice blessing from the writings of United Methodist minister, Jan L. Richardson. May it be a gift to all who live "long nights" during the holiday season.



Blessing for the Longest Night

All throughout these months
as the shadows
have lengthened,
this blessing has been
gathering itself,
making ready,
preparing for
this night.

It has practiced
walking in the dark, 
travelling with
its eyes closed,
feeling its way
by memory
by touch
by the pull of the moon
even as it wanes.

So believe me 
when I  tell you
this blessing will
reach you
even if you
have not light enough
to read it;
it will find you even though you cannot 
see it coming.

You will know
the moment of its 
arriving
by your release
of the breath
you have held so long;
a loosening of the clenching
in your hands,
of the clutch around your heart;
a thinning
of the darkness
that had drawn itself
around you.

This blessing
does not mean
to take the night away
but it knows 
its hidden roads,
knows the resting spots
along the path,
knows what it means to travel
in the company 
of a friend.

So when
this blessing comes,
take its hand.
Get up
Set out on the road
you cannot see.

This is the night
when you can trust
that every direction
you go,
you will be walking
toward the dawn.

Copyright - Jan L. Richardson




Monday, December 12, 2011

An Antidote for the Christmas Blues ...




Are you feeling exhausted, depleted, and just a little bah-humbuggy?

Tired of adding lists and shopping malls to an already overfull life?

Hearing your voice sounding more irritated than joyful?

Caring so much for others that you've lost the larger picture?

Then, make yourself a nice hot drink, curl up in your favourite chair and watch this wonderful video clip, borrowed from one of Barbara Stahura's latest posts. By the time you're done, I guarantee that your perspective will have shifted and that your nervous system will have begun to calm. (The clip's best viewed in a full screen format.)

And, if you have a little more time - time to spend with your journal or just thinking quietly in your chair - you might want to consider completing one or more of these sentences -


1.  The ordinary things for which I'm grateful this holiday season are ...

2.  The miracles of life that make my heart sing are ...

3.  The things that truly matter this holiday season include ...

4.  The experiences that have made me smile this week are ...

5.  The things for which I'm hopeful are ...


May this video, the sentence stems, and the thoughts and feelings that spring from them, chase away some of the humbugs and bring you "a really good day".


(This lovely film was made by filmmaker, Louie Swartzberg, with music by Gary Malkin and narration from Brother David Steindl-Rast.)



Sunday, December 4, 2011

Holiday Energy ...


One of the best ways to keep up a good, steady level of energy through the holiday season (and to keep your weight in check) is to remember to eat healthy foods at regular intervals throughout the day, watching your intake of sweets, fat, salt and alcohol.

But with all the wonderful holiday baking and all the gourmet meals around, what's a person to do? ( The intentions are so strong but the body is oh, so weak ....!)

Well, recently I came across a holiday eating challenge on Ruth Buczynski's website, NICABM (National Institute for Clinical Application of Behavioural Medicine), that I think is well worth considering.  Based on the research of Dr Brian Wansink, PhD,  The Power of Three Challenge encourages us to change 3 mindless habits of eating for a period of 10 days and then see what a difference it makes in our lives. (He is convinced that we will want to continue, thus creating newer, healthier habits.)


Dr Wansink bases his challenge on the research laid out in his fascinating book, Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think. He believes that we have a Mindless Margin of caloric intake where we can increase or decrease our calories by about 300 per day without noticing much difference in our feelings of satisfaction. Over time, however, our bodies can tell the difference as we begin to gain or lose weight and to stabilize our energy.


Here is the list of suggested changes.  Why not choose the three you would like to work on ( or one, if you do better at changing one thing at a time) and give yourself an energy boost and a rest from weight gain this holiday season? (As always, check with your physician before making changes in a prescribed diet.)


1.  Eat in a well lit room. You eat less when you can see what you're eating.

2.  Keep the bones.  We have a better sense of how much we've eaten when we can see the evidence. This could mean keeping empty beer bottles lined up on the table or hot wing bones on a side plate.

3.  Use the 1/2 Rule.  Aim for 1/2 as much protein and carbohydrates while doubting your servings of vegetables and fruit.

4.  Fill your plate, but keep it small.  When you use a smaller plate or bowl, this will naturally reduce portion size.

5.  Come up for air.  Try to slow down your pace at the table so you can rely on your body's internal cues. Then follow them - stop eating when you start to feel full rather than when your plate is clean or when you're over-stuffed.

6.  Downsize rather than supersize.  Try ordering a size down from what you would normally order.

7.  Pre-plate your food rather than serving it family style.  It's easier to make more healthful serving choices when you make decisions before you start.

8.  Pass on second helpings.

9.  Use taller, narrower glasses rather than shorter, wider ones.  You'll end up pouring less, but you probably won't notice the difference.

10.  Prepare healthy snacks for when you're on the go (try carrying along an apple or a small bag of carrots).

11.  Minimize variety in your snacks.  You'll be surprised to find ourself getting bored with the same old cheese curls, and you'll end up eating less.

12.  Put your apples on display.  Show off healthy foods in a prominent, well-lit area of your eating space, and banish unhealthy foods to the back corner of your cabinets.

13.  Keep chips out of reach.  When you have to seek out junk food consciously, it gives you a chance to think twice before indulging.

14.  Turn off the TV.  When distracted, we tend to consume more calories inadvertently.

15.  Eat meals with people who eat more healthfully than you do.  Studies have shown that we're influenced by the food choices the people around us are making.

16.  Keep unhealthy but tempting food in aluminum foil or opaque containers - out of sight is out of mind.

17.  Using smaller eating utensils and serving spoons. It's an easy way to slow down how quickly we eat and get back in synch with internal cues.

18.  Here's one for the whole family:  rename healthy foods to make them sound more appealing.  You might turn down a carrot-beet smoothie, but would you refuse a rainforest cocktail?

If you have other ideas to share, we would be happy to hear them!





  

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

A New Look ...


Hi everyone! Welcome to Caregiver Wellness Workshops' new look on the world.

Anyone who follows Caregiver Wellness regularly will have noticed that I have posted a new blog format pretty well every day this week - and, in some cases, even three or four times a day - as I've experimented with new templates for the site.

It's always a big decision to alter the familiar.  And that decision then leads to many questions. Does one change the layout or just the colours? Which colours are welcoming, which are peaceful, which are too intrusive or frenetic?  Which fonts are easiest to read? Which headers match the existing photos and which tend to clash? (I had decided on a lovely golden colour until I realized that it clashed with almost every photo on the site! And then there were the constraints wrought by the preselected options chosen by the Blogger folks - which were not always my cup of tea.).

All that said, I'm happy with the new look - it's familiar, and clean and clear, and bright and peaceful, and shouldn't be jarring to the tired eyes of helpers who are drawn to the site. So, enjoy!





Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Holiday Planning Near the End of Life ...



Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah or the Solstice, spending the winter holidays with a loved one who is dying feels poignant, fragile and precious.

The last Christmas I shared with my husband was probably the most beautiful ever - partly because of the thought we put into its planning and partly because we became willing to let go of the outcome once the planning was done. Here are a few of the things we learned:

1. Plan in advance but be flexible and hold your expectations lightly, remembering that there's a good chance that the plans will change.


2. Begin your planning with the person who is ill. Have a conversation about:

* his or her hopes and dreams for the holidays
* the themes that underlie those hopes and dreams - time with family, spiritual observances, gift giving, eating special foods, hearing traditional music
* what plans are realistic given their energy and abilities.

And don't forget to consider the same issues for yourself (and other family members living in the home) and share your thoughts with your loved one.


3. Have a conversation with extended family and friends once you know which activities matter most to you and your loved one and which will fit within your physical and emotional limits. Tell them about your limitations and about how you want/need to alter the celebrations this year. Make space to hear their responses with empathy and care. (Imposed change usually brings grief with all its sadness, anger, and efforts to control the uncontrollable.)

If the changes will be extensive, be sure to reassure people that they are still important to you and that it is the illness that is causing the constriction of activities and connection. For example, you might want to say something like:

* We'd love to have you here for the holiday meal but we don't have the energy to host it this year. If it's a particularly good day we might be able to join you for half an hour at someone else's house.

* We'd love to see you but we're moving into a time of quiet visits now. People who want to see Sam can come and sit with him for 5-10 minutes without speaking. On better days he may say something to someone but mostly its time for quiet visits now. If you're comfortable with that, you're welcome to come.

* We love you and wish we could see you but the time has come for us to protect our energy - the illness takes so much that the usual holiday visits aren't possible now.


4. Simplify rather than abandoning your traditions, for traditions are the glue that holds families together during hard times.

If your particular hopes and dreams are no longer possible, look at the important themes and values you identified in your initial conversations and use them as a guide for your new plans.

Going to the Midnight Service with family and friends on Christmas Eve and having our goddaughter and her family with us for Christmas dinner were the two traditions that were most important for my husband and me to maintain. Neither was possible in its usual form so we simplified and had a quiet, Christmas Eve service by candlelight at home in the livingroom on Christmas Eve and we all worked together to create a long, slow Christmas dinner on Christmas Day, so Derrick could go back to bed for a rest between each course.

It wasn't a perfect holiday but it turned out to be perfect in its imperfection, leaving us with cherished, loving, candlelit memories that will last forever. I hope the same will be true for all of you who face the end of life this year.



Thursday, November 10, 2011

Remembering the Invisibly Injured ...


Tomorrow, at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, we will remember the thousands of Canadians who have been killed or injured in our wars, past and present.

However, there are some of the fallen whose names will not come to mind so readily, some whose injuries and subsequent deaths have never been acknowledged as being associated with war. Here I'm thinking, specifically, of those with the "invisible wounds" of Mild Traumatic Brain Injury (MTBI), Operational Stress Injury (OSI) or Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and the addictions and suicides that can come in their wake.

It wasn't until the past week, after hearing family stories at the funeral of my uncle, that I began to question the part that war injuries may have played in my own father's early death. A sergeant in the Canadian Army during WW II, he trained hundreds of soldiers in the risky business of bomb demolition. One cold prairie morning, a young trainee accidently detonated a bomb, believing that my Dad had already left the bomb disposal hut. My Dad was blown several feet in the air, lost consciousness, and burst both eardrums.

For the rest of his life, this quiet, kind and gentle man experienced hearing loss, headaches, dizziness, an exaggerated startle response and irritability, nightmares, emotional numbing and disengagement, and ongoing relationship difficulties. He used alcohol to cope with his physical and emotional pain and eventually died of his alcoholism at the age of 58.

With the benefit of hindsight and recent physiological research, I now suspect that my Dad suffered from the complex combination of MTBI and PTSD. He was officially diagnosed with neither and I imagine the same is true for many others, even today.

My father's "invisible wounds" had a profound impact on our family life and, while 12 Step programs were helpful for some of us, they didn't address the impact of the MTBI, itself. Fortunately, there are a growing number of supports available today. One of my favourites is Barbara Stahura's blog, Journal After Brain Injury. Here, one can find original blog posts by the spousal caregiver of a TBI survivor, sentence stems for both survivors and caregivers to use in healing through journalling, and many resources for survivors and caregivers alike.

Tomorrow, as I watch the annual cenotaph service, I will, as always, remember with heartfelt respect and gratitude, our war dead and wounded, our serving military, and the families who care for and support them. And this year, for the first time, I will include my own dear father, Jack, amongst the soldiers and merchant mariners we honour.



Wednesday, November 9, 2011

A Mindfulness Meditation Alternative ...


Whenever I teach a Compassion Fatigue workshop and we speak about the benefits of mindfulness meditation in reducing stress and autonomic arousal, there are always a few people who, because of the teachings of their particular faith tradition, feel uncomfortable about participating in the exercises.

My response to this discomfort is generally to offer the alternative of a Centering Prayer practice, which will bring about similar byproducts without the internal conflict. Centering Prayer is, in the words of Cynthia Bourgeault, Episcopal priest, author, and internationally-known retreat leader,

"...a simple form of sitting meditation, rooted in the Christian tradition but spreading its wings toward our universal human oneness."

I'm bringing this alternative to your attention, today, because I've become aware that the folks at the on-line educational organization, Spirituality & Practice: Resources for Spiritual Journeys, are currently offering a four week course called, "Centering Prayer with Cynthia Bourgeault". Cynthia's work is highly respected across faith traditions and she is an excellent educator.

The course has already begun, (the first two sessions of twelve have been completed and the third will be sent out by email on Friday), but there is plenty of opportunity to catch up for those who might be interested. If this includes you, you can find more information in the E-Course section of the S & P website at www.spiritualityandpractice.com.