Family Caregiver Retreat... October 17-19

You may be wondering if I've had a little too much sun this week, choosing an image of fall foliage for a July post.  But my reasonably clear headed intention was to use that incongruity to draw your attention to the new Caregiver Wellness Family Caregiver Retreat to be held at the Bethlehem Retreat Center in Nanaimo, BC   (Vancouver Island) this October.

This retreat is a response to the oft repeated desire of family caregivers to, "get away somewhere close",  to rest and re-create.  The Bethlehem Retreat Center is a 1 hour and 45 minute ferry trip from Horseshoe Bay to Departure Bay or 2 hours from Tsawwassen to Duke Point.  You can travel inexpensively as a foot passenger and then take a $20.00 taxi ride to the Center on the shore of Westwood Lake.  Or you can take your own car - there are plenty of parking spots.  

The ferry ride provides a perfect natural boundary between the stresses of home and the peace of the retreat, yet it also allows a reasonably quick return should you be needed back on the mainland.

The retreat, itself, runs from 7 pm Friday night until after lunch on Sunday and there will be times of silent rest and reflection, times to connect with other caregivers and times to walk the tree-lined path around the lake,  curl up in a chair by the fire or fit in an extra nap or two.

This is not a religious retreat though the Retreat Center is run by the House of Bread Benedictine community and there is a lovely chapel overlooking the lake where one can sit in quiet prayer or meditation.  Our group discussions will focus on the emotional journey of caregiving and on developing a personalized self care plan to build resiliency to burnout and compassion fatigue.

Every caregiving situation is unique and sometimes it is simply impossible to get away from home, but I encourage you to at least consider treating yourself to this weekend away. Dare to ask for the help you need to make it happen.  (You might be surprised to discover how many friends and acquaintances want to help but don't know how.  Tell them that you need someone to stay with or visit the care recipient.  Someone to drive you to and from the ferry.  Someone to lend you the $200.00 for the registration.   Someone to take your loved one to appointments or to care for your kids.  Whatever you need.  

What's the worst thing that could happen if you asked?  They might refuse?  Try not to take it personally if that  does occur - others have their "stuff" as well.   Then give the gift of being asked to someone else.   And if you're too exhausted to even think about all that organizing, is there someone you trust who could do it for you...?  Or even part of it..?)

Although my husband became anxious and reluctant each time I went away on retreat, we soon discovered that, provided he felt safe with the temporary caregivers, he benefitted as much as I did from these short absences.  He ended up with a much happier carepartner and his world expanded as I shared with him, "...all the places I'd been and all the people I'd seen".  

For further information or to register, please email or phone me or the Bethlehem Retreat Center for a brochure.  My contact information is listed in the column to the left.  (Phone number until August 1st is 604 926 0609).  The Retreat Center can be reached at bethret@shaw.ca or at 250 754 3254.

And if you are a helping professional who would love to attend a similar self care retreat, please email me about your interest and,  if there is sufficient response,  we can look at planning a retreat for professional helpers as well.

A Pause that Refreshes...

Years ago, there was an advertisment on TV describing the drinking of tea as, "a pause that refreshes".  I remembered that ad while drinking a wonderful cup of tropical green tea this long weekend and I thought of the many caregivers, both family and professional, who say to themselves, " I don't have the time to care for myself".  No time to pause.  No time for refreshment.   

It's true that few of us have an abundance of free hours to focus on ourselves, but self care needn't take hours.  It is possible to, "start small", and, if necessary, to continue that way for a while.  There are ways to refresh ourselves that take only a minute or two.   

Pausing to notice the veins in a leaf or the way a ray of sunshine passes through the trees. Slipping off your sandals to feel the grass beneath your feet.  Singing a favourite song from beginning to end.  Taking in the colours of fruit, vegetables and floral bouquets over a latte at your local market.  The small things are do-able.

I visited a wise grief counsellor during the years that my husband was ill and I knew that she understood end-of-life caregiving when she suggested, not getting out of the house for hours at a time, but finding five minutes three times a day when I could sit on the doorstep with my face to the sun.  A pause that refreshes...

Sabbath:  Finding Rest, Renewal and Delight in Our Busy Lives,  by Wayne Muller, describes how the Vietnamese monk, Thich Nhat Hahn, periodically rings a Mindfulness Bell in his Buddhist community, Plum Village.  On hearing the bell, everyone stops and takes three silent, mindful breaths.  Muller suggests that we can all take these restful pauses throughout the day. We can choose any common thing to remind us to pause - the phone ringing, a stoplight while we're driving,  opening a door or a cupboard.  Whenever your reminder arises - stop, take three mindful breaths, then go on with your activities.  See how it changes your life to take these short pauses every day.

Photo by Janet Ritchey

 

  

Welcome!

A very warm welcome to the new Caregiver Wellness blog,  a site dedicated to self care and wellness information for family caregivers and for helping professionals.  

Here you will find self care tips, wellness ideas, book suggestions, quotations, poems, musings and resources related to caregiving.  You will also be able to keep up to date on current Caregiver Wellness workshops and retreat offerings.

This summer marks the beginning of an exciting time for me as I close an eighteen year trauma counselling and teaching practice to focus full time on my passion - using education in the form of workshops, presentations and retreats to support, renew and inspire caregivers.

I come by my interest in caregiver renewal honestly, through personal experience as a helping professional and as a family caregiver.  I have worked as a coronary care nurse, in acute psychiatric assessment,  as a nurse educator and as a loss and trauma therapist in private practice.  I've also spent seven years as a cardiac spouse, caring for my husband through the last years of his life. 

During the months that I juggled both family and professional caregiving, I had a strong brush with compassion fatigue, an experience that has convinced me of the importance of exceptional self care for all caregivers.  (Self care really is the fuel that keeps caregivers going!)   

I would like to say that, once learned, the self care lesson stays with us forever but I don't believe that that's the case.  We're human beings.  Life interferes.  We need reminding.   But our intention matters and we can grow better and better at caring for ourselves.  And at supporting each other as we do. 

I hope that, in the days and months ahead, this blog will be a breathing space for sharing the lessons learned through focusing on your own wellness.  Please feel free to offer your comments through this blog or by email at caregiverwellness@shaw.ca. 

* Unless otherwise noted, all photos are from bigstockphotos.com.     

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This is a new blog. Stay tuned for future updates