Vacation...!

I am packing my bags again, though this time for vacation. I will be away from the office until May 5th, planting my garden, visiting with friends and having my annual therapeutic check-in. (Compassion fatigue educators, like therapists, need to have regular check-ins.)

I'm already excited about planning fall workshops when I get back. There are tentative plans for a Caring on Empty workshop on October 22nd and a Compassion Fatigue: Going Deeper I: The Enneagram workshop on November 19 & 20, both in the greater Vancouver area. More details in the late spring or early summer.

In the meantime, as John O'Donahue says in, To Bless the Space Between Us -

For Work

May the light of your soul bless your work

with love and warmth of heart.

May you see in what you do the beauty of your soul.

May the sacredness of your work bring light and

renewal

to those who work with you

and to those who see and receive your work.

May your work never exhaust you.

May it release wellsprings of refreshment,

inspiration, and excitement.

May you never become lost in bland absences.

May the day never burden.

May dawn find hope in your heart,

approaching your new day with dreams,

possibilities, and promises.

May evening find you gracious and fulfilled.

May you go into the night blessed,

sheltered, and protected.

May your soul calm, console, and renew you.

Support Systems...

I'm just back from a week's writing at The House of Bread, a Benedictine Community on Westwood Lake outside Nanaimo, BC. The Sisters of this Community provide many services to the folk of Vancouver Island including the Bethlehem Retreat Center, a wonderful place of peace and stillness on the Lake and within the shadow of Mt Benson.

During my week with the Community, where I always feel lovingly supported and nurtured, I reread an old book, - thank you, Pat! - written in 1980 by Judy Tatelbaum called, The Courage to Grieve. While much of the content is now outdated, Judy's writing about effective support systems is still well worth sharing.

As we all know by now, an effective support system is crucial to Compassion Fatigue recovery and resilience. But what is an effective support system, exactly?

Judy Tatelbaum says that a good support system is composed of three parts:

1. Self Support:

Because few of us consciously count ourselves as part of our own support system, we can fail to attend to expanding our inner resources. It often takes a crisis like Compassion Fatigue to make us recognize our need for our own self-love, concern and support. The more we neglect ourselves, the more we deepen our depletion and impede our recovery.

Self support involves comforting and bolstering ourselves, listening to and accepting our feelings, paying attention to our physical needs, and making sure that all our needs are met rather than ignored. (This may sound impossible if you are early in CF recovery. If this is the case, you may need to draw on environmental and belief-based supports until you have "filled-up" enough to begin meeting more of your own needs.)

Recovery from CF and learning to stay well may require us to develop different self supports from those we're used to using - becoming more active or more quiet, learning to talk more or to be more contemplative, expressing feelings out loud or writing them in a journal, becoming more responsible to increase self esteem or taking a rest from responsibility for a while.

Honouring ourselves, (our needs and feelings), means showing concern for ourselves in all the simple things we do to make ourselves feel better. These needs are as variable and unique as we are.

2. Environmental Support:

Environmental supports are the network of people and activities that give our lives meaning. This network was once readily available through extended families living close together and in stable neighbourhoods or communities where people were known from birth until death. Now, in times of scattered families and greater transience, we must put effort into creating our environmental supports. If we don't, we can find ourselves unsupported and in great need when trouble arrives.

Many people have told me of the importance of their friendships during times of distress. We would certainly have been in difficulty had we not had friends to call upon during my husband's long illness. When I finally realized that I couldn't do it alone and needed respite, I sat down with my address book and phoned everyone we knew or had ever known - his friends, my friends, our friends, people from his work and my work, folks from organizations to which we'd belonged - and, after explaining our situation, I asked if they would sign up for a Wednesday or Saturday morning with my husband so that I could get some time away. The response was overwhelming. People cried on the phone because they had known of Derrick's illness and wanted to help but hadn't know how. The years we'd spent developing and nurturing relationships meant that we had the support we needed when self support wasn't enough.

Even if we have few friends, our environmental support system is larger than we might think. It comprises a wide range of people - intimates, family, friends, neighbours, colleagues, family physicians, health care professionals, psychotherapists or counsellors, clergy, lawyers, insurance agents, financial advisors, funeral directors, volunteers, local business people - and activities - adult education, work, volunteer work, clubs, travel, art, music, dance, support groups, sports, faith-based organizations, meditation, stress reduction activities, environmental work. Even if we haven't worked to strengthen this part of our support system, there is probably more there then we might imagine.

Philosophical or Belief System Support:

Tatelbaum says that whether our beliefs actually sustain us in a crisis is an individual matter but that our philosophy of life very much affects how well we cope with pain or problems. The meanings we ascribe to life, suffering and death can be key to how we survive the pain. For example, people who can accept sorrow and crisis as part of their own growth and development can find their beliefs deeply supportive.

So, much can be gained by consciously assessing the state of our support systems. What part of my support system is strong right now? What part could use a tune up? What is one thing I could do this week to increase my self, environmental or philosophical/ belief support system?

Fragile People ...

This week I read a guest blog post by Lindsay in my friend, Francoise Mathieu's, blog and I have asked Lindsay's permission to share it with you as well:

After donating blood a friend of mine wrote in a google buzz, "Why are health professionals so rough??? I'm fragile people!"

Sadly, we are rough. We spend so much time patching people up that pretty soon we're like factory workers putting bolts on a widget. It's a form of "compassion fatigue." We're faced with so much sadness and suffering that we slowly, subconsciously, learn to hold our patients at a distance. But somehow, some patients, some situations, find their ways deep into our hearts.

This weekend I was changing a dressing on a particularly nasty bed sore on a sweet young lady who is close to my age. The sore was so nasty, and the patient so young that I couldn't help but let my heart go out to her and to feel pained for her situation. I did my best to let her see and feel my empathy and made sure to talk to the next shift about a few things that could be done to make her more comfortable.

To respond to my friend's comment, we health professionals are also fragile people, but we've wrapped our hearts away so that we can do our jobs professionally and efficiently. But we're grateful for comments like yours, and for patients like mine that remind us that we're all fragile people. (Emphasis mine.)

Thank you, Lindsay, for this reminder that we are all fragile but that we can, as Whitney Houston sings, " ... find our strength in love".

Family Rituals ...

Happy Easter, everyone! (Or Passover Greetings or Happy Spring, if you don't celebrate Easter). I've taken a break from blogging for the past couple of weeks hoping that the tendonitis in my wrist would settle down, which it seems to have done, and I'm glad to be back.

I'm on my way to Vancouver Island for Easter weekend and am excited about connecting with people I love, preparing and eating a delicious Easter dinner and spending lots of time relaxing, reading, chatting and learning to play "Set". (My goddaughter's goal for the weekend).

We have a number of special traditions surrounding each of the major holidays of the year and look forward to sharing these rituals when we're together. Special foods and table decorations. Gifts. Songs. Long walks. Worship services. Visits with particular friends. Volunteering. And while each of these rituals adds enormously to our enjoyment of the holidays, that is not their only importance.

In the 1980's, research was done regarding factors that lead to resilience in families under extreme stress and one of the major factors was a family's ability to maintain it's rituals and traditions. This doesn't mean that we must continue to do everything in exactly the same way, but it does mean that it will help if we can hold on to some aspects of the most important traditions. There is a sense of grounding, support, hope and expectancy that can come when we continue with the traditions that have provided identity and continuity in our families over time.

My husband understood the importance of maintaining the pattern of our rituals as much as possible, so much so that toward the end of his life he would do nothing but rest for several days before a holiday so that he could accumulate the energy to join us at the table for dinner - first on two feet, then with a cane and, finally, by wheelchair. Now, long after his death, the children still mention how grateful they are that he was able to celebrate with us right until the end of his life.

What about you? What Easter, Passover or Spring rituals contribute to your family's resiliency? If life has changed, are there ways to adapt your rituals to fit your current situation so that they don't go by the wayside?

Haiku...

I've always loved haiku and now, as my teaching schedule fills more of my time, their simplicity and quiet beauty provide a haven from the busy details of workshop venues, handout numbers and flight arrangements.

For years, I have kept a copy of Morning Mist: Thoreau and Basho Through the Seasons by Mary Kullberg, at my bedside for reading before I go to sleep. Invariably, my eye skips Thoreau's passages to rest on the peaceful images of Matsuo Basho, the seventeenth century haiku master. It wasn't until the past week, though, while reading Haiku - The Sacred Art: A Spiritual Practice in Three Lines by Margaret D. McGee, that I began to think about writing haiku as a means of practicing mindfulness.

Being present in the moment, not worrying about the future or fretting about the past, is both a sign and a source of wellness. We encourage people seeking Compassion Fatigue resilience or a life of wellness in the presence of Chronic Sorrow to develop a meditation practice or to take "awareness pauses" throughout the day. But what about a practice of writing haiku?

Haiku is a three line form of Japanese verse known for distilling the essence of a moment in time and place through strong nature imagery. Writing Haiku invites us to place ourselves "in the moment" and then to capture the experiences of those moments on paper. The haiku we write put forth the images we see rather than explanations of those images.

snowflakes

frozen to tree-bark

morning silence

Doris Horton Thurston

sunrise...

the male pheasant

owns the road

Alice Frampton

In the rainy dusk

the flamboyant hibiscus

creates its own sunset.

Basho

Quietly quietly

the yellow petals fall -

the sound of the rapids

Basho

Margaret McGee, an American Episcopal spiritual retreat leader and author, whose work draws from Judism, Islam, Buddhism and ancient Christianity, says that, "Writing haiku can be a consciously spiritual practice for seekers of any faith tradition or no tradition". As we allow ourselves a few moments to notice and to write, we are offered the chance to:

... honour, hold, and fully experience a fleeting moment that takes you out of yourself, a moment that hints at the deeper unity that lies beneath the surface of things.

Margaret McGee offers those interested in developing a haiku-writing practice, basic information about the process of writing haiku and several exercises including a challenge to write 100 haiku in 100 days, with little or no censorship. I think I may take up that challenge. The mere thought of remembering to notice nature, intentionally, every day, makes my body relax. If you, too, would like to consider haiku as part of your spiritual practice you might be interested in reading Margaret's book and in joining me in the 100 day challenge.

What's Up....?

Here are a few bits of information for your interest:

1. Anyone travelling to New York City before March 14th might be interested in getting tickets for the new Donald Marguilies play, Time Stands Still. This critically acclaimed production plays at the Manhattan Theatre Project on Broadway and stars Laura Linney as a photojournalist returning from war with both physical and psychological injuries. The play looks at the lasting traumatic stress effects of war reporting on individual reporters and on their relationships.

The good news about this new play, aside from its skilled production, is that it brings the consequences of primary and secondary traumatic stress to the public eye, hopefully for the betterment of both our understanding and our compassion. To learn more, you can read the article and linked reviews on the Dart Center website.

2. The Beginners Enneagram Workshop at St Oswalds Church Hall in Surrey, BC is almost full. If anyone is interested in attending a similar workshop in Vancouver in mid-June, (always a dicey time what with end-of-the-school-year activities and the beginning of vacations), please email me at caregiverwellness@shaw.ca. If there is sufficient interest I will arrange a venue, otherwise I will wait until late fall 2010.

3. A little advance notice: I will be out of town on vacation from Friday April 23 until Monday May 3.

That's all for now. Have a great evening! Jan

Walking Meditation...

The past week has felt like spring here in Vancouver even though it is still February - the sun is shining, the crocuses and daffodils are blooming and hundreds of people are out walking in the parks and pathways.

Walking meditation is a wonderful way to bring moment-to- moment awareness to our daily lives and thus reduce the autonomic arousal (fight or flight response) that comes with compassion fatigue. It is simple to practice, though it does take practice, and it is especially helpful for people who find it difficult to sit still for other forms of meditation.

Walking meditation, according to stress reduction expert, Jon Kabat-Zinn, means "simply walking and knowing that you are walking. It does not mean looking at your feet! ... Walking meditation involves intentionally attending to the experience of walking itself. It involves focusing on the sensations in your feet or your legs or, alternatively, feeling your whole body moving. You can also integrate awareness of your breathing with the experience of walking."

Buddhist monk, Thicht Nhat Hanh, writes that walking meditation is "going without arriving":

In our daily lives, we usually feel pressured to move ahead. We have to hurry. We seldom ask ourselves where it is that we must hurry to.

When you practice walking meditation, you go for a stroll. You have no purpose or direction in space or time. The purpose of walking meditation is walking meditation itself. Going is important, not arriving. Walking meditation is not a means to an end; it is an end. Each step is life; each step is peace and joy. That is why we don't have to hurry. That is why we slow down. We seem to move forward, but we don't go anywhere; we are not drawn by a goal. Thus we smile while we are walking...

Take short steps in complete relaxation; go slowly with a smile on your lips, with your heart open to an experience of peace. You can feel truly at ease with yourself. Your steps can be those of the healthiest, most secure person on earth. All sorrows and worries can drop away while you are walking. To have peace of mind, to attain self-liberation, learn to walk in this way. It is not difficult. You can do it. Anyone can do it who has some degree of mindfulness and a true intention to be happy.

So, how, exactly, do we begin a practice of walking meditation?

Where and when. Choose a safe spot to walk - preferably outside, perhaps in a park, on a quiet even pathway, or along the shore of a stream though walking the perimeter of your living room or bedroom is also quite adequate. (People have even practiced in small prison cells and concentration camps.) Begin with a specific length of time in mind - at least 10 minutes a day - and gradually increase that time. Early morning may be best if you tend to lose available time as the day goes on but any time will work.

How to start. Begin by standing still for a little while, allowing yourself to become aware of your body. Take a few deep, mindful breaths then let your breathing return to normal. Become completely aware of the sensations of your breathing and stay with that awareness for a little while. Then bring your awareness to your body, noticing all the sensations of standing still with your feet on the ground.

Begin walking. Walk at a slow, relaxed pace, in silence internally and externally. Soften your vision, allowing your eyes to relax and to focus upon nothing yet remaining aware of everything. Keep returning your attention to what is going on internally. The idea is to have your attention on the physical experience of walking - the alternation from right foot to left foot and back, the swinging of your arms and legs, the feeling of your feet against your shoes and your shoes upon the ground. To begin with, keep your mindfulness strong by focusing on only one aspect of your walking. Later, you can adjust your awareness to take in more. Wherever you encounter tension let it go. If you are distracted by thoughts of the past or the future, let them go as well and return to your inner experience of walking.

We can practice walking meditation any time we walk, be it in the early hours as we comfort a wakeful baby or in the evening as we walk home from work, but it is also a good thing to practice more formally, as Jon Kabat-Zinn says, "... back and forth, step by step, moment by moment, walking gently on the earth, in step with your life, being exactly where you are."

If you would like to read more about walking meditation, you might try Jon Kabat-Zinn's, Full Catastrophe Living or Thicht Nacht Hanh's, Being Peace.