Give Yourself a Break ...

Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares

that will not withdraw from us.

Maya Angelou

Hi everyone,

We're well into the lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer but, for many of us, our care-giving work will continue regardless the season. If you're someone who is aching for a break while knowing that it won't happen any time soon, try this easy meditation to give yourself a brief "pause that refreshes".

By allowing yourself to "close your eyes and picture this ... ", you can quickly take yourself away from stress, problems and worries.

Why not give it a try?  Just take a few moments and close your eyes and fully picture any of the things on this list (or try opening a magazine with your eyes closed, pointing to a sentence or picture, and fully imagining that).

-  A new baby fresh from a bath

-  A cool early morning by a lake

-  The smell of freshly ground coffee

-   An afternoon in a bookstore

-  Sitting in your flower garden

-  The sound of Rice Krispies

-   A run at the beach

-  Candles dripping wax

-  The sound of rain on the roof

-   A wood stove

-  A field full of alpine flowers

-  Newly hatched chicks

-  Gathering eggs from a nest

-  Colouring in your colouring book

-  A hike in the woods

-  Flying a kite

-  The feel of grass on your feet

-  The dawn chorus of birdsong

-  Getting dressed for a dinner and concert

-  Skating on a frozen pond

-  Camping

-  Watching clouds 

-  Warm chocolate chip cookies and milk

-  Sipping tea by the fire

-  Plunging into a swimming pool or lake

-  Children's laughter

-  Riding your bike downhill fast

-  Meditating in the early hours

-  Plush terry bathrobes

-  Listening to seashells

-  Going to a Broadway show

-  Finger painting

-  Reading in a big chair

-  Renting a row boat 

-  Smelling laundry fresh from the line

-  Lying in tall grass 

Whatever you choose to picture, may it carry you to a place of refreshment and re-creation in the midst of your busy day.

I will be leaving for the cottage on Thursday to spend three weeks re-creating so won't be posting again until I return in August.

Til then, have a wonderful summer!

Jan

  

   

Summer Reading 2015: Spirituality & Resilience ...

One benefit of summer was

that each day

we had more light to read by...

Jeanette Walls

Hi Everyone!

It's almost time to say "Happy Summer!" and I, for one, can hardly wait to spend some long lazy days with my nose planted in a good book.

All through a VERY busy spring, I've fantasized about sitting on the deck at the cottage with the sun on my back and a pile of books on the ground beside me. As I've made a list of titles to pack into my duffle bag, I've been a little surprised to see that many of them are connected by the thread of spirituality. (I've been growing more and more interested in spirituality as a resilience factor for both compassion fatigue and chronic sorrow but hadn't expected that interest to show up in my vacation reading as well.)

Let me share with you some of the titles that will soon be winging their way to the Muskoka lakeside with me:

1.  The Spiritual Child: The New Science on Parenting for Health & Lifelong Thriving by Lisa Miller, PhD

I've cheated a bit with this one and started reading it already. Written by the director of the Clinical Psychology Program at Columbia University, it reads a bit slowly but offers a host of new-to-me studies on the impact on physical and mental health of supporting and nurturing a child's "natural spirituality".

Research by Miller and her colleagues over the last decade shows that children who have a positive, active relationship to spirituality are 40% less likely to use and abuse substances, 60% less likely to be depressed as teenagers and 80% less likely to have dangerous or unprotected sex.  They are also more likely to have positive markers for thriving and for high levels of academic success.  I'm finding the book a warm, hopeful and practical guide for enhancing children's spiritual development.

2.  The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise by Martin Pretchtel

Martin Pretchtel was raised on an Indian reservation in New Mexico and was trained by a renowned shaman there. According to the reviews, he says that modern society has lost its way in leaving grief to be experienced and expressed alone, without the support of community.

He says, "Grief expressed out loud for someone we have lost, or a country or home we have lost, is in itself the greatest praise we could ever give them. Grief is praise, because it is the natural way love honours what it misses." He explains that the unexpressed grief prevalent in our society today is the reason for many of the social, cultural and individual ills we're currently experiencing. He shows how this collective, unexpressed grief, long held by our ancestors as well as ourselves, can be worked through so we can all be healed from the intergenerational trauma of loss, war and suffering.

3.  Fully Alive: Discovering What Matters Most by Tim Schriver

I've wanted to read this book ever since seeing Tim Schriver interviewed about writing it. He struck me as an authentic, vulnerable and articulate seeker who was able to translate both the best aspects of his faith tradition and his experience with the intellectually disabled through Special Olympics into a strong and supportive personal spirituality. He has also drawn on the Kennedy family story of "retarded" Aunt Rosemary who, he says, "taught them all how to care from within". Kirkus Book Reviews has pronounced the book "sincere, profound and deeply satisfying".

4.  Blue Horses: Poems by Mary Oliver 

This is Mary Oliver's latest collection of new poems. She describes in spare and perfect phrases both the everyday happenings and beauty of Nature and the resilience that comes through our connection with the natural world. I can't imagine a summer at the cottage without one of her books.

5.  Walking the Walk: Putting the Teachings into Practice When it Matters Most by Pema Chodron (Audiobook)

I figure this audiobook by Buddhist monk, Pema Chodron, will help to pass the time waiting in airports and during the five hour flights to and from Toronto.

Pema addresses the difference between knowing spiritual concepts and applying them in everyday life. In four sessions, we have the opportunity to reflect upon practices that can be applied in any faith tradition - stabilizing the mind (awareness, presence and foundation), unconditional friendship with yourself (getting unstuck from patterns that create our own suffering), freedom from fixed mind (releasing biases and prejudices to revitalize everyday experiences) and taking care of one another (learning to be truly there for others).

And, as you might guess looking at previous lists, I'm also planning to find space in my bags for a couple of escape novels. At the moment, Joanna Trollop's Balancing Act and Elizabeth George's Lynley and Havers mystery, Just One Evil Act are in the running. (I know, I know, I'm just a little behind on this series!)

Whatever you choose to do this summer, I hope some happy moments with a good book are there in the mix. Enjoy!

  

Compassion Fatigue and Creativity ...

Through experience, I understand that 

creative expression, in its myriad of forms, is essential

 to physical and mental health and a rich life.

Carolyn Cowan

in Creative Aging

Hi everyone!

I hope your spring is blossoming. These past few weeks, as I've walked the shores of my beloved lake in the early hours of the morning, camera in hand, I've been struck by the lush beauty of the world around me and the myriad of ways we can find to express it - painting, wood carving, knitting, knotting, photography, poetry, sculpting, flower arranging, stories, sketching, quilting, weaving, singing, dancing ...  The list goes on for ever. 

But what if compassion fatigue has diminished our creative spirits? Researchers tell us that trauma (including the secondary traumatic stress of CF) has an impact on our ability to be creative. We need to feel relaxed and safe to have full access to our intellectual abilities, including our creativity. Under the chronic stress of CF, we can begin to lose access to our creative capacities. Our focus narrows and we revert to traditional, familiar and sometimes rigid ways of being and doing. We seem less able to be open-minded, perceptive, curious and imaginative. In an excellent article on The Hidden Costs of Trauma in the Workplace, HR consultant, David Lee, puts it this way,

... (we) become less flexible, less creative and less intelligent. (We) operate at only a fraction of our creative and productive potential. ... Studies on creativity show undeniably that a low threat environment is essential for creative thought. When people are feeling threatened, their thought process becomes rigid and tradition bound ... Furthermore, when stressed, the mind becomes focused on the stressor. This prevents divergent thinking - the ability to broaden one's perspective to include less obvious associations and possibilities which is the hallmark of creative thought.

So, what's to be done? Fortunately, as Julia Cameron, author of The Artist's Way, says, "It's never too late to start over. It is never past the point of no return for our artist to recover."

But how, exactly, do we go about re-igniting our creative vitality? The short and too obvious answer is to begin by healing our accumulated trauma and grief. But then what ...? Here are a few suggestions to start you back on your creative path:

1.  Learn more about the arts and healing:

To justify your creative play, try reading the excellent research-based website and blog published by the Foundation for Art and Healing whose mission it is to explore the fundamental connection between art and the healing process, while providing active, ongoing support to communities and individuals.   

2.  Discover how others have become more creative:  

I've recently come across a wonderful online journal called, Sage-ing With Creative Spirit, Grace and Gratitude. It's a visually beautiful online magazine, issued four times a year, filled with stories of how people engage in the arts as they grow older. The articles are short with many beautiful examples of peoples' writing, art work, crafts and performances.

(If you prefer a book format, you could consider reading,  Creative Aging, edited by Karen Close and Carolyn Gowan and published just this year. It is a compilation of the best of the Sage-ing articles to date.)

3.  Make time to be creative:

Like most other things, creative time needs to be carved out of our schedules, often at the expense another activity. If being more creative, with its benefits of happiness, discovery, community, reduced stress and anxiety, and life balance is a priority for you right now, make a creativity appointment with yourself daily, weekly, once a month, or whenever you can manage it. Begin where you are and, as your love for creating grows, so may your ability to "find" more time for it.   

 4.  Prime the pump by returning to your childhood:  

New research shows that adults can be primed to become more creative simply by being asked to think like children. A recent study in North Dakota found that being encouraged to think like a seven year old produced more original ideas than thinking like an adult. So, before starting a project or solving a problem, consider opening up to the mind of your inner seven year old and see what happens.

5.  Accept "failure" as part of the process:

Many of us have shame-based memories when it comes to creative endeavours. These memories can make us afraid to even try something "creative". However, even the most celebrated artists have a litany of "failures" under their belts. (As Carl Jung once said," I recently went to a museum in Germany, and they had a Picasso exhibition. But the paintings were terrible. I think I saw every lousy Picasso out there. He created about 50,000 works, and not all of them were masterpieces.") A lesson worth learning: embrace failure as part - or even a gift - of the creative process. Learn from it and begin again.

6.  Experiment:

Experiment with various creative forms until you find one that is a good fit for you. We're not all artists, writers or performers. Take time and use mindful awareness to discover a form of creative activity that is life-giving for you and then learn more about it, practice it and, most importantly, let yourself enjoy it!

June 19th is Creative Aging Day (and we're ALL aging!) so why not make a commitment to yourself to try at least one creative activity by then?
 

Have You Planned Your Funeral Yet ...?

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Funeral Blues

WH Auden

Hello, Everyone,

This morning, I attended the funeral of a friend's husband. Paul was a highly intelligent, accomplished and kindly man and the service's beautifully planned readings, stories, hymns, prayers and homily all flowed together to reflect the man he was. Being at that service reminded me, once again, of the importance of planning our funerals, committing those plans to paper and talking about them with our loved ones. 

Despite having lost my elder brother, both parents, my husband, my young nephew, my mentor, and my best friend, I have yet to plan my own service. What makes us (me) so reluctant to approach this task, especially when we know how much it can help our families when they are shaken and bereaved?  For some of us, the problem is anxiety about the whole notion of death and dying. For others it is the belief that funerals are for the living so they should plan the service. Others struggle with the unattended grief of earlier losses and can't bear to contemplate thoughts further loss, theirs or others'. Others, still, worry about religious differences within their families that could lead to conflict over their plans and so  shy away from the conversations. And still others, who have no religious background at all, have no idea where to start when it comes to planning a funeral ritual so they avoid it altogether.

But there are real advantages to planning ahead our end-of-life ceremonies and rituals. The first is its positive impact on loved ones. Pre-planning greatly reduces the stress of their decision-making after our deaths (as well as their guilt about not knowing our wishes). It also allows us to personalize the ceremony - to tell our story, comfort loved ones with our favourite readings and music, create space for healthy mourning and find ways to celebrate what we've valued in our lives. (While religious traditions may dictate much of what will happen in a service, there are usually personal choices available regarding music, readings and speakers.)

Here are a few things we can consider as we plan our own ceremonies:

1. What kind of ritual do I want?  A funeral service followed by burial or cremation? A funeral service followed by graveside service? A memorial service after burial or cremation? A service in my own home? A funeral service in the city where I die and second service in another locale? Something other than a service? Do I want my body present? Do I want the coffin open?

 2.  Do I want any additional ceremonies? A viewing, a wake, a visitation, a reception after the service, a one year anniversary commemoration?

3.  How closely do I want to observe my religion's mourning rituals?

4.  Where do I want the ceremony to be held? (Plus a second choice in case it is necessary) Where do I want my remains to be buried/scattered? 

5.  Who would I ask to officiate? (Plus a second choice) 

6.  Who will be my pallbearers (6)?

7.  Who will tell stories or deliver eulogies (3)?

8.  Who will read prayers, poems or other readings (3)?

9.  The readings I want to include are (3)

10. Music I want to include - prelude, postlude, songs, hymns, solos to be played/sung during the ceremony

11. What types of flowers would I like to be used to decorate the room/coffin?

12. Do I want a headstone, memorial bench or other marker? How would I like it inscribed? 

13. Are there favourite charitable organizations where a donation could be made in my name?

14. What are the groups I've belonged to that should be notified of and invited to the ceremony? (with their contact information)

15. Who are the people my family may not know who should be notified and invited? (with contact information)

16.  What wording do I want for my obituary, where do I want it placed, and for how long? 

17. Do I want my body or ashes repatriated - to the country where I was born? To the place where my grandmother or spouse was buried?

As you can see, there are actually many places where our input can make a difference.

That said, we should also remember that, as important as our planning may be, it is equally important to give loved ones explicit permission to make changes in our plans should the need arise. I have worked with more than one person whose guilt over changing funeral arrangements has helped to trigger complicated grief. Gifting your family and friends with your wishes, plus the room to move, will reduce their stress considerably.

And now, having written this post, I can safely say that by the end of the week I will have planned my own funeral service. I hope that you will take this opportunity to reflect on the questions above and give yourself (and your family) the gift of doing the same.

Colour Your Stress Away ...

Life is about using the whole box of crayons.

RuPaul

Colours are the smiles of nature.

Leigh Hunt

Life lesson from the nursery: Broken crayons can still colour.

Author Unknown

Hi everyone!

For the past few months, I've been experimenting with offering workshop participants mandalas, Celtic knots and other intricate designs to colour - and I've been amazed by the positive response. People love them and comment on how the colouring helps them to focus and relax throughout the day. Kinesthetic learners are especially happy to have "something to do" as they listen to mini-lectures and participate in group discussions.

Colouring takes us back to another time, a time when choosing colours and mixing tints and shades could provide respite from childhood stressors. It is a form of self-soothing and relaxation. Thought to de-stress us by activating areas on both sides of our brains, the relaxation of colouring particularly lowers the activity of the amyglala, a part of the brain that senses and deals with threat. When we colour, the gentle repetitive motions soothe us and the colouring experience shifts us from a state of perceived threat back to a state of calm.

Colouring can be seen as a form of active meditation. Our mindful attention to the colouring pushes aside current stressors and future worries. The Aurora University (Illinois and Wisconsin) website offers the following steps for meditative colouring to their stressed students:

1.  Start the session with a smile. Don't skip this step just because it sounds a little silly. In fact, studies have proven that smiling even when you are not happy can raise your level of endorphines (mood-enhancing chemicals) in your brain. So start smiling!

2.  Find a design to colour. Any colouring book will do, or print a mandala to colour. Mandalas are complex, symmetrical geometric designs that originated thousands of years ago in India. They are fun to colour and beautiful to look at once done.

3.  Choose your colouring supplies. You can use crayons, coloured pencils, markers or even chalk. Don't think too much about the colours you are selecting. Let the colours choose themselves. You will be amazed at the colour combinations when you're done. 

4.  Allow yourself to experience the movements, hear the sounds of the crayon on the paper or feel the marker glide across the page. As thoughts, pictures or worries pop into your head simply acknowledge them and return your focus to colouring. Colouring will always bring you back. With a little practice, you will find that you can easily achieve a deeply relaxed state while colouring.

Some people wonder if drawing and colouring their own pictures on a blank page would produce the same relaxing results as colouring in a colouring book but a small study in 2005 in the Art Therapy journal seems to indicate that structured colouring-in, whether of a mandala or a plaid pattern, has a greater impact on anxiety levels than unstructured colouring.

Recognition of the relaxing properties of colouring has led to a recent boom in colouring books for adults. Scottish illustrator, Johanna Bradford's intricate best seller, Secret Garden: An Inky Treasure Hunt and Colouring Book has sold 1.5 million copies worldwide and Enchanted Forest: An Inky Quest and Colouring Book came out in February. Other well-loved colouring books include:

1.  Celtic Patterns to Colour by Struan Reid

2.  Animal Kingdom by Millie Marotta

3.  Colour Me Calm and Colour Me Happy by Lacy Mucklow and Angela Porter

4.  The Mindfulness Colouring Book by Emma Farrarons (Sized for pocket or purse)

5.  The Mandala Colouring Book by Jim Gogarty

6.  Dream Catcher: A Soul Bird's Journey and Dream Catcher: The Tree of Life by   Christina Rose

7.  Colour Me Good London Colouring Book by I Love Mel

8.  Natural Wonders: A Patrick Hruby Colouring Book by Patrick Hruby

For those of you who would like to try a little colouring before making the financial investment in a colouring book, here are some free mandalas to copy and colour. Enjoy!

National Family Caregiver Day 2015 ...

Hi Everyone!

Today is National Family Caregiver Day 2015, a day to celebrate the millions of unpaid family caregivers who give of their time, strength, love and futures in order to provide care for those who are ill, frail or disabled.

These caregivers are not a homogenous group with the same experiences, needs and feelings, rather, people, old and young, with highly complex, complicated and individual stories, people whose lives are changed considerably, often dramatically, by the experience of caregiving.

Family caregiving is one of the most rewarding, satisfying and, at the same time, most stressful and depleting endeavours most of us will ever undertake. Caregivers, the backbone of our healthcare system,  need and deserve all the encouragement, emotional and practical support, and resources we can give them so that they don't have to carry the costs of caregiving on into the rest of their lives.

What are these costs? They can include physical illness or injury; mental illness; posttraumatic stress; chronic sorrow; compassion fatigue; missed educational, job or volunteer opportunities; job loss; loss of retirement funds; loss of experiences and relationship quality with the care recipient or friends and family; depleted parenting; loss of identity and self-actualization; loss of recreational and leisure time; loss of sustaining spiritual or philosophical beliefs and many others.

On the other hand, there are important gifts that can be found within some caregiving experiences - development of new skills and competencies; greater self confidence; an appreciation for the smaller, simpler things of life; psychological and spiritual growth; recognition of the importance of self care and the greater wellness that flows from it;  new friendships and support systems; and greater transparency and intimacy in relationships.

Today, and all month, there will be programs and celebrations for family caregivers offered through support agencies and organizations across the country. Here are just a few:

1.  Canadian Caregiver Coalition:

The CCC are offering a series of podcasts sharing caregiving strategies and tools as well as a tweet chat. They have also created a poster on Care & Work: A Balancing Act.

2.  Canadian Virtual Hospice:

The Cdn Virtual Hospice eNews newsletter for April is entirely devoted to supporting caregivers.

3. Family Caregivers Network Society: 

BC's Family Caregivers Network Society is offering free webinars throughout the spring on topics such as Guilt & Frustration, Care Planning 101, Letting Go, and Respite.

If you have a family caregiver in your life, please take some time, today, to contact him or her with a message of love, support and understanding. It can make all the difference in a caregiver's day.

Resources for Spring Renewal ...

Hi Everyone!

Spring is here early on the West Coast with flowers blooming, only a little rain and warmer-than-usual temperatures. With Spring comes a plethora of opportunities to learn and grow and this year is no exception. Here are a few wonderful opportunities to blow out the cobwebs and let a little sunshine in:

1.  The Enneagram and Somatic Awareness: Using Body Intelligence to Relax Type Structure 

This two day workshop, on April 18 and 19 in Seattle, is sponsored by Enneagram in Seattle and features two of my favourite Enneagram teachers, Terry Saracino and Marion Gilbert from Enneagram Worldwide.

As the workshop brochure says:

Those of us who have worked with the Enneagram for many years have discovered how truly difficult it is to influence our reactivity. When we are faced with challenging life circumstances, we find ourselves falling into our type structure's patterns of overreacting, even though we know better.

The workshop will introduce you to the Somatic Awareness Practice which will build your "felt sense" and enable you to free yourself from automatically following your highly ingrained cognitive-emotional impulses and re-enacting your type patterns. 

For more information click here. 

2.  Reclaiming Awe: A Workshop on Mystery and Intuition

This new Rachel Remen workshop for health and service professionals is designed for those who feel their work no longer inspires or has meaning for them, for those who miss a sense of wonder and aliveness day to day.

Rachel Remen, MD, the author of Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories That Heal and other popular books, has offered restorative workshops and conferences for healthcare professionals and service providers for many years. This new workshop will help you to find and tell your story of mystery, honour intuition as a legitimate way of knowing, recognize the unexplainable in your everyday work and to reclaim a sense of awe and wonder in your work and in your life.  

The 2 1/2 day workshop will be held at the Acqua Hotel in Mill Valley, California on May 21-23, 2015. 

 For more information click here.

3. 5th Annual Care4You Conference: Be a Change Agent

This two day Kingston, ON conference on Compassion Fatigue is designed to "care for those who care for others". This year it will focus on the theme of Creating Change Agents. You will learn how to make positive changes at home and at work. Managers will learn strategies to engage their teams and to enable sustainable organizational health.

Featured speakers at the June 9 and 10 conference include:

a. Stephane Grenier, Mental Health Advocate, Canadian Armed Forces (Ret)

b. Sherisa Dahlgren, Holistic Healing Expert & VP Clinical Programs, Joyful Heart Foundation

c.  Pat Fisher, Organizational Health Specialist & Co-Executive Director, TEND Ltd

d.  Francoise Mathieu, Compassion Fatigue Educator & Co-Executive Director, TEND  

For more information click here. 

4.  Stop, Breathe and Think 

And for those of us whose extra money will be going to Revenue Canada or house insurance this Spring, here is a learning opportunity that's simple, fun and FREE. (You pay only if you want the advanced level of meditations.) 

Stop, Breathe and Think is a wonderful website and app that customizes meditations for beginners. If you're trying to do more mindfulness meditation and need some help starting out, this is the place for you. You can go through an emotional check-in and then the site offers appropriate meditations for your current emotional state. 

Simple enough for kids to use, it's a great structured and supportive way to start a meditation practice.

For more information click here. 

So, happy almost-Spring and enjoy!

Jan