What Makes Me Grateful ...?

... to live with ... eyes wide open, to breathe in 

the colours of mountain and sky, to know the sound of leaves rustling, the smell of snow, the texture of bark.

Jan Philips

Hello, everyone!

As Thanksgiving weekend approaches this year, I've been increasingly aware of, and grateful for, the gifts of my five senses.

Always a sensory person, I've been particularly aware of the richness of these gifts over the past few months. I don't know whether it's the glorious intensity of the tree colourings after this summer's drought or the experience of meeting the father of a young woman blind in one eye and missing much of the vision in the other or the photography course I've been enjoying since the beginning of September, but I seem exquisitely aware of my sense of sight and, by extension, my other senses as well.

I know it is my five senses that will provide me with the deepest refreshment this Thanksgiving weekend. Sight will feed my soul as I drive through wooded hills to the ferry, taking in the palette of autumn leaves and rocky cliffs rising high above the ocean. Hearing will fill my mind with CBC's North By Northwest  in the early hours, a playlist ranging from the Beatles to Mozart's Clarinet Concerto later in the day and two full days of precious conversations-that-matter. A heart-softening sense of smell will introduce me to the particular new-baby fragrance of a little girl who joined our extended family this week. Taste will sate us all as we enjoy an abundant dinner cooked and shared by many. And touch, found in the warm hugs of loved ones, will help to fill the empty spaces.

I don't know what your situation will be this weekend. You may be one of many working to keep us safe and healthy or you may be a family caregiver working 24/7 to keep a loved one comfortable. You may be surrounded and nurtured by loving family and friends or you may feel alone, exhausted and overwhelmed. Whatever your situation, may one of your five senses offer you, perhaps unexpectedly, at least one small thing for which you can be grateful this Thanksgiving.

Let me leave you with the Thanksgiving gift of one of Celtic poet and philosopher, John O'Donohue"s, many poems of blessing  - this time, a blessing for our senses.

A Blessing For the Senses

May the touch of your skin

register the beauty

of the otherness

that surrounds you.

May your listening be attuned

to the deeper silence

where sound is honed

to bring distance home.

May the fragrance

of a breathing meadow

refresh your heart

and remind you you are

a child of the earth.

And when you partake

of food and drink,

may your taste quicken

to the gift and sweetness

that flows from the earth.

May your inner eye

see through the surfaces

and glean the real presence

of everything that meets you.

May your soul beautify

the desire of your eyes

that you might glimpse

the infinity that hides

in the simple sights

that seem worn

to your usual eyes.

 A very warm and Happy Thanksgiving to you all!   

Jan

Statio for the Fall ...

Now and then it's good to pause

in our pursuit of 

happiness

and just be happy.

Guilaume Apollinaire

Hi everyone - Happy almost-Fall!

I took a picture of this sign on a hot, sunny July afternoon at the far end of Kahshe Lake in Northern Ontario. It was nailed to a tree on the bank of a narrow river between two lakes, reminding boaters to  S-L-O-W  D-O-W-N so they wouldn't cause the owner's boat and dock to dance together as they passed.

"Dead Slow, No Wake", could also be a reminder to slow our pace as we begin to multi-task our way through the fall. Taking opportunities to slow down a number of times a day, can help us to stop the automatic flow of life and to pause in the "now". The Benedictine monastic tradition has an age-old spiritual practice known as statio that can help us to do that.

Statio can be thought of as a moment-between-moments, a pause between activities. (You might think of it as a threshold or a mini-transition point between finishing one thing and starting the next, a pause  that offers brief gifts of rest, awareness and possibility.) This place between is a place of slowness, stillness and mindfulness where we can intentionally let go of what came before, pause, and then move fully and mindfully into whatever comes next. We take the time to become fully conscious of what we've just done and what we are about to do rather than moving automatically and thought-lessly on to the next thing.

Christine Valters Paintner, PhD, Benedictine Oblate and online Abbess of Abbey of the Arts,  a virtual monastery based in Galway, Ireland, suggests practicing statio by pausing intentionally at the close of each activity. Every time you change from one activity to another, pause and deepen your breath for five full cycles of breathing. Allow yourself to truly notice and feel the ending of one activity, the pause and the beginning of something new. Try it for yourself over the next 24 hours and notice of how it feels. What was it like to finish? Were you able to welcome and be fully present to what was coming next? Could you rest in the pause?

These tiny windows of awakeness and awareness, experienced many times a day, allow us to become more fully conscious and, as a result, more fully alive. They offer us a space in which to pull together the bits of ourselves that may have been scattered through effort and activity, a moment of integration before beginning again.

May the practice of statio add presence and richness to your life this fall.

Be Touched By Beauty ...

In difficult times,

you should always carry

something beautiful in your mind.

Blaise Pascal

Hello, everyone!

I'm back to posting again after a wonderful summer vacation filled to overflowing with beautiful moments like the sunrise above.

Sadly, not everyone has been as fortunate. Many of you have had to work long hours the summer through, whether as professional care providers or family carepartners, filling in the gaps as others went on vacation or services were cut back. Others have been devastated by the effects of the wildfires that continue to burn throughout the country. (I can't even imagine what it would have been like to try to provide complex care at home while waiting to be evacuated at a moment's notice.)

When circumstances such as these cause us to become exhausted and depleted or when our hearts are broken open by grief and uncertainty, we can find ourselves unexpectedly supported and uplifted by beauty.  We can be deeply touched and calmed by the artistry of nature, the vitality of the fine arts or even the beauty of an ordinary day.

At some of the most difficult times in my husband's long illness, we were gifted with an exquisite awareness of the beauty around us. Whether looking at the diamond dew on the grass outside the bedroom window, listening to the strains of Mozart's Clarinet Concerto, reading the poetry of Basho or gazing at sun-infused jars of red plum jam sitting on the kitchen table, intentionally focusing on beauty invariably lifted our spirits and brightened our days.

Celtic poet and philosopher, John O'Donohue, wrote in his book, Beauty: The Invisible Embrace -

There are times when life seems little more than a matter of struggle and endurance, when difficulty and disappointments form a crust around the heart. Because it can be deeply hurt, the heart hardens. ... Yet though the music of the heart may grow faint, there is in each of us an unprotected place that beauty can always reach out and touch.

He goes on to say that how we look at things makes a huge difference to what we see. We need to "beautify our gaze", to be ready to glimpse beauty anywhere, so we can see life in a new and vital way. When we beautify our gaze, the gift of hidden beauty becomes both our joy and our sanctuary.

We now know that perceiving beauty affects brain physiology as well as our emotional hearts. A study by Professor Semir Zeki at the University College of London in 2011 found that when uninitiated people were exposed to the art of Old Masters like Constable, Rembrandt and Monet, blood flow to the parts of the brain associated with pleasure and desire, immediately increased up to ten percent - a reaction similar to falling in love!

So, how, then, can we begin to "beautify our gaze"? First, by opening our eyes and ears to seek out loveliness in all we see and hear. Then, by taking the time to savour that beauty, to be with the experience and to let it sink deeply into our hearts. When we follow this practice, it is as though we sensitize ourselves to beauty and, thus, open ourselves to it even more.

Of course, there may be times when our surroundings seem distinctly un-beautiful, despite our beautified gaze. In such cases, we can actually carry beauty into the landscape with us. I recently came across a postcard of an 18th century painting called Winter Landscape that I carried with me as a bookmark during the last years of Derrick's life. I often spent time in doctors' offices and hospital waiting rooms gazing into that peaceful scene. The beauty of the rural winter sunset transported me, with no effort at all, to the peace and calm I'd experienced in evening landscapes like it many years past.

Beauty is both a joy and a sanctuary but sometimes we can forget to open our eyes and ears to perceive it.  So, why not take some time today to intentionally, "beautify your gaze", to allow the loveliness of something around you (no matter how large or small) to touch your heart?  Do it several times and see what a difference it can make to your outlook.

Give Yourself a Break ...

Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares

that will not withdraw from us.

Maya Angelou

Hi everyone,

We're well into the lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer but, for many of us, our care-giving work will continue regardless the season. If you're someone who is aching for a break while knowing that it won't happen any time soon, try this easy meditation to give yourself a brief "pause that refreshes".

By allowing yourself to "close your eyes and picture this ... ", you can quickly take yourself away from stress, problems and worries.

Why not give it a try?  Just take a few moments and close your eyes and fully picture any of the things on this list (or try opening a magazine with your eyes closed, pointing to a sentence or picture, and fully imagining that).

-  A new baby fresh from a bath

-  A cool early morning by a lake

-  The smell of freshly ground coffee

-   An afternoon in a bookstore

-  Sitting in your flower garden

-  The sound of Rice Krispies

-   A run at the beach

-  Candles dripping wax

-  The sound of rain on the roof

-   A wood stove

-  A field full of alpine flowers

-  Newly hatched chicks

-  Gathering eggs from a nest

-  Colouring in your colouring book

-  A hike in the woods

-  Flying a kite

-  The feel of grass on your feet

-  The dawn chorus of birdsong

-  Getting dressed for a dinner and concert

-  Skating on a frozen pond

-  Camping

-  Watching clouds 

-  Warm chocolate chip cookies and milk

-  Sipping tea by the fire

-  Plunging into a swimming pool or lake

-  Children's laughter

-  Riding your bike downhill fast

-  Meditating in the early hours

-  Plush terry bathrobes

-  Listening to seashells

-  Going to a Broadway show

-  Finger painting

-  Reading in a big chair

-  Renting a row boat 

-  Smelling laundry fresh from the line

-  Lying in tall grass 

Whatever you choose to picture, may it carry you to a place of refreshment and re-creation in the midst of your busy day.

I will be leaving for the cottage on Thursday to spend three weeks re-creating so won't be posting again until I return in August.

Til then, have a wonderful summer!

Jan

  

   

Summer Reading 2015: Spirituality & Resilience ...

One benefit of summer was

that each day

we had more light to read by...

Jeanette Walls

Hi Everyone!

It's almost time to say "Happy Summer!" and I, for one, can hardly wait to spend some long lazy days with my nose planted in a good book.

All through a VERY busy spring, I've fantasized about sitting on the deck at the cottage with the sun on my back and a pile of books on the ground beside me. As I've made a list of titles to pack into my duffle bag, I've been a little surprised to see that many of them are connected by the thread of spirituality. (I've been growing more and more interested in spirituality as a resilience factor for both compassion fatigue and chronic sorrow but hadn't expected that interest to show up in my vacation reading as well.)

Let me share with you some of the titles that will soon be winging their way to the Muskoka lakeside with me:

1.  The Spiritual Child: The New Science on Parenting for Health & Lifelong Thriving by Lisa Miller, PhD

I've cheated a bit with this one and started reading it already. Written by the director of the Clinical Psychology Program at Columbia University, it reads a bit slowly but offers a host of new-to-me studies on the impact on physical and mental health of supporting and nurturing a child's "natural spirituality".

Research by Miller and her colleagues over the last decade shows that children who have a positive, active relationship to spirituality are 40% less likely to use and abuse substances, 60% less likely to be depressed as teenagers and 80% less likely to have dangerous or unprotected sex.  They are also more likely to have positive markers for thriving and for high levels of academic success.  I'm finding the book a warm, hopeful and practical guide for enhancing children's spiritual development.

2.  The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise by Martin Pretchtel

Martin Pretchtel was raised on an Indian reservation in New Mexico and was trained by a renowned shaman there. According to the reviews, he says that modern society has lost its way in leaving grief to be experienced and expressed alone, without the support of community.

He says, "Grief expressed out loud for someone we have lost, or a country or home we have lost, is in itself the greatest praise we could ever give them. Grief is praise, because it is the natural way love honours what it misses." He explains that the unexpressed grief prevalent in our society today is the reason for many of the social, cultural and individual ills we're currently experiencing. He shows how this collective, unexpressed grief, long held by our ancestors as well as ourselves, can be worked through so we can all be healed from the intergenerational trauma of loss, war and suffering.

3.  Fully Alive: Discovering What Matters Most by Tim Schriver

I've wanted to read this book ever since seeing Tim Schriver interviewed about writing it. He struck me as an authentic, vulnerable and articulate seeker who was able to translate both the best aspects of his faith tradition and his experience with the intellectually disabled through Special Olympics into a strong and supportive personal spirituality. He has also drawn on the Kennedy family story of "retarded" Aunt Rosemary who, he says, "taught them all how to care from within". Kirkus Book Reviews has pronounced the book "sincere, profound and deeply satisfying".

4.  Blue Horses: Poems by Mary Oliver 

This is Mary Oliver's latest collection of new poems. She describes in spare and perfect phrases both the everyday happenings and beauty of Nature and the resilience that comes through our connection with the natural world. I can't imagine a summer at the cottage without one of her books.

5.  Walking the Walk: Putting the Teachings into Practice When it Matters Most by Pema Chodron (Audiobook)

I figure this audiobook by Buddhist monk, Pema Chodron, will help to pass the time waiting in airports and during the five hour flights to and from Toronto.

Pema addresses the difference between knowing spiritual concepts and applying them in everyday life. In four sessions, we have the opportunity to reflect upon practices that can be applied in any faith tradition - stabilizing the mind (awareness, presence and foundation), unconditional friendship with yourself (getting unstuck from patterns that create our own suffering), freedom from fixed mind (releasing biases and prejudices to revitalize everyday experiences) and taking care of one another (learning to be truly there for others).

And, as you might guess looking at previous lists, I'm also planning to find space in my bags for a couple of escape novels. At the moment, Joanna Trollop's Balancing Act and Elizabeth George's Lynley and Havers mystery, Just One Evil Act are in the running. (I know, I know, I'm just a little behind on this series!)

Whatever you choose to do this summer, I hope some happy moments with a good book are there in the mix. Enjoy!

  

Compassion Fatigue and Creativity ...

Through experience, I understand that 

creative expression, in its myriad of forms, is essential

 to physical and mental health and a rich life.

Carolyn Cowan

in Creative Aging

Hi everyone!

I hope your spring is blossoming. These past few weeks, as I've walked the shores of my beloved lake in the early hours of the morning, camera in hand, I've been struck by the lush beauty of the world around me and the myriad of ways we can find to express it - painting, wood carving, knitting, knotting, photography, poetry, sculpting, flower arranging, stories, sketching, quilting, weaving, singing, dancing ...  The list goes on for ever. 

But what if compassion fatigue has diminished our creative spirits? Researchers tell us that trauma (including the secondary traumatic stress of CF) has an impact on our ability to be creative. We need to feel relaxed and safe to have full access to our intellectual abilities, including our creativity. Under the chronic stress of CF, we can begin to lose access to our creative capacities. Our focus narrows and we revert to traditional, familiar and sometimes rigid ways of being and doing. We seem less able to be open-minded, perceptive, curious and imaginative. In an excellent article on The Hidden Costs of Trauma in the Workplace, HR consultant, David Lee, puts it this way,

... (we) become less flexible, less creative and less intelligent. (We) operate at only a fraction of our creative and productive potential. ... Studies on creativity show undeniably that a low threat environment is essential for creative thought. When people are feeling threatened, their thought process becomes rigid and tradition bound ... Furthermore, when stressed, the mind becomes focused on the stressor. This prevents divergent thinking - the ability to broaden one's perspective to include less obvious associations and possibilities which is the hallmark of creative thought.

So, what's to be done? Fortunately, as Julia Cameron, author of The Artist's Way, says, "It's never too late to start over. It is never past the point of no return for our artist to recover."

But how, exactly, do we go about re-igniting our creative vitality? The short and too obvious answer is to begin by healing our accumulated trauma and grief. But then what ...? Here are a few suggestions to start you back on your creative path:

1.  Learn more about the arts and healing:

To justify your creative play, try reading the excellent research-based website and blog published by the Foundation for Art and Healing whose mission it is to explore the fundamental connection between art and the healing process, while providing active, ongoing support to communities and individuals.   

2.  Discover how others have become more creative:  

I've recently come across a wonderful online journal called, Sage-ing With Creative Spirit, Grace and Gratitude. It's a visually beautiful online magazine, issued four times a year, filled with stories of how people engage in the arts as they grow older. The articles are short with many beautiful examples of peoples' writing, art work, crafts and performances.

(If you prefer a book format, you could consider reading,  Creative Aging, edited by Karen Close and Carolyn Gowan and published just this year. It is a compilation of the best of the Sage-ing articles to date.)

3.  Make time to be creative:

Like most other things, creative time needs to be carved out of our schedules, often at the expense another activity. If being more creative, with its benefits of happiness, discovery, community, reduced stress and anxiety, and life balance is a priority for you right now, make a creativity appointment with yourself daily, weekly, once a month, or whenever you can manage it. Begin where you are and, as your love for creating grows, so may your ability to "find" more time for it.   

 4.  Prime the pump by returning to your childhood:  

New research shows that adults can be primed to become more creative simply by being asked to think like children. A recent study in North Dakota found that being encouraged to think like a seven year old produced more original ideas than thinking like an adult. So, before starting a project or solving a problem, consider opening up to the mind of your inner seven year old and see what happens.

5.  Accept "failure" as part of the process:

Many of us have shame-based memories when it comes to creative endeavours. These memories can make us afraid to even try something "creative". However, even the most celebrated artists have a litany of "failures" under their belts. (As Carl Jung once said," I recently went to a museum in Germany, and they had a Picasso exhibition. But the paintings were terrible. I think I saw every lousy Picasso out there. He created about 50,000 works, and not all of them were masterpieces.") A lesson worth learning: embrace failure as part - or even a gift - of the creative process. Learn from it and begin again.

6.  Experiment:

Experiment with various creative forms until you find one that is a good fit for you. We're not all artists, writers or performers. Take time and use mindful awareness to discover a form of creative activity that is life-giving for you and then learn more about it, practice it and, most importantly, let yourself enjoy it!

June 19th is Creative Aging Day (and we're ALL aging!) so why not make a commitment to yourself to try at least one creative activity by then?
 

Have You Planned Your Funeral Yet ...?

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Funeral Blues

WH Auden

Hello, Everyone,

This morning, I attended the funeral of a friend's husband. Paul was a highly intelligent, accomplished and kindly man and the service's beautifully planned readings, stories, hymns, prayers and homily all flowed together to reflect the man he was. Being at that service reminded me, once again, of the importance of planning our funerals, committing those plans to paper and talking about them with our loved ones. 

Despite having lost my elder brother, both parents, my husband, my young nephew, my mentor, and my best friend, I have yet to plan my own service. What makes us (me) so reluctant to approach this task, especially when we know how much it can help our families when they are shaken and bereaved?  For some of us, the problem is anxiety about the whole notion of death and dying. For others it is the belief that funerals are for the living so they should plan the service. Others struggle with the unattended grief of earlier losses and can't bear to contemplate thoughts further loss, theirs or others'. Others, still, worry about religious differences within their families that could lead to conflict over their plans and so  shy away from the conversations. And still others, who have no religious background at all, have no idea where to start when it comes to planning a funeral ritual so they avoid it altogether.

But there are real advantages to planning ahead our end-of-life ceremonies and rituals. The first is its positive impact on loved ones. Pre-planning greatly reduces the stress of their decision-making after our deaths (as well as their guilt about not knowing our wishes). It also allows us to personalize the ceremony - to tell our story, comfort loved ones with our favourite readings and music, create space for healthy mourning and find ways to celebrate what we've valued in our lives. (While religious traditions may dictate much of what will happen in a service, there are usually personal choices available regarding music, readings and speakers.)

Here are a few things we can consider as we plan our own ceremonies:

1. What kind of ritual do I want?  A funeral service followed by burial or cremation? A funeral service followed by graveside service? A memorial service after burial or cremation? A service in my own home? A funeral service in the city where I die and second service in another locale? Something other than a service? Do I want my body present? Do I want the coffin open?

 2.  Do I want any additional ceremonies? A viewing, a wake, a visitation, a reception after the service, a one year anniversary commemoration?

3.  How closely do I want to observe my religion's mourning rituals?

4.  Where do I want the ceremony to be held? (Plus a second choice in case it is necessary) Where do I want my remains to be buried/scattered? 

5.  Who would I ask to officiate? (Plus a second choice) 

6.  Who will be my pallbearers (6)?

7.  Who will tell stories or deliver eulogies (3)?

8.  Who will read prayers, poems or other readings (3)?

9.  The readings I want to include are (3)

10. Music I want to include - prelude, postlude, songs, hymns, solos to be played/sung during the ceremony

11. What types of flowers would I like to be used to decorate the room/coffin?

12. Do I want a headstone, memorial bench or other marker? How would I like it inscribed? 

13. Are there favourite charitable organizations where a donation could be made in my name?

14. What are the groups I've belonged to that should be notified of and invited to the ceremony? (with their contact information)

15. Who are the people my family may not know who should be notified and invited? (with contact information)

16.  What wording do I want for my obituary, where do I want it placed, and for how long? 

17. Do I want my body or ashes repatriated - to the country where I was born? To the place where my grandmother or spouse was buried?

As you can see, there are actually many places where our input can make a difference.

That said, we should also remember that, as important as our planning may be, it is equally important to give loved ones explicit permission to make changes in our plans should the need arise. I have worked with more than one person whose guilt over changing funeral arrangements has helped to trigger complicated grief. Gifting your family and friends with your wishes, plus the room to move, will reduce their stress considerably.

And now, having written this post, I can safely say that by the end of the week I will have planned my own funeral service. I hope that you will take this opportunity to reflect on the questions above and give yourself (and your family) the gift of doing the same.