Birdie - An Indigenous Book Club Month Selection ...

She ... gets fed love.

She is better when fat with 

the love of women.

Tracey Lindberg

 

Hi Everyone!

Earlier this year, Carolyn Bennett, Minister of Indigenous and Northern Affairs, proposed an Indigenous Book Club Month for June and I wanted to give you a heads up that June is fast approaching (how is that possible??) and to make some suggestions for your book club or individual indigenous reading.

My own choice for this month is to reread Tracey Lindberg's wonderful book, Birdie, a Canada Reads shortlist winner and a book that has brought greater heart knowledge to my understanding of the long reaching effects of colonization and the residential school system. It seems from the reviews that people either love or are totally confused by this book. I am one of those who love it.

Seen through the lens of intergenerational trauma, posttraumatic stress and the power of women to both betray and hold caring space for each other's growing wholeness, Birdie's story is one of relationship - relationship with self, relationship with family and relationship with the wider world.

This, in many ways, is a book about care-giving, or the lack of it. The story line is that of Birdie, an obese, impoverished, abused young Cree woman, who journeys from northern Alberta to Gibsons, on the BC Sunshine Coast, consciously searching for Jesse, a character in her favourite TV show, The Beachcombers, while at the same time unconsciously on an inner journey searching for her own healing and wholeness.  As she sinks into seeming dissociation from the present, she is cared for by her Auntie Val who is well, the memory of her mother Maggie who is not, and her cousin Skinny Freda and landlady and bakery boss Lola who are somewhere in between. Each has been wounded and has coped in her own way and each expresses her caring according to the degree of her wholeness.

The fluid chronology of the Birdie narrative, slipping seamlessly between present and past, while disturbing and confusing to some, made perfect sense to me as a trauma therapist. While described as characteristic of a vision quest, this meandering in and out of "reality" and "the present moment" is also the experience of one whose sense of time and continuity has been jangled by trauma's intrusive memories and disorienting flashbacks.

Birdie is a story of hope, healing and transformation and I highly recommend it, especially to those who can restrain their analytical minds and just go with an empathic response to another's experience.

Other books by indigenous writers, recommended by CBC, that you might like to consider are:

1.  A Coyote Columbus Story by Thomas King

2.  My Mother is Weird by Rachna Gilmore

3.  Halfbreed, The Book of Jessica, and Stories of the Road Allowance People by Maria Campbell

 4.  The Outside Circle (collection)

Other authors to consider  include Joseph Boyden, Richard van Camp, Leann Simpson, Marilyn Dumont, Jeanette Armstrong, Beatrice Culleton Mosionier, Louise Halfe, Sheila Watt-Cloutier, Eden Robinson and Richard Wagamese.

Have a great read!

Knitting Up a Wounded Heart ...

           Properly practiced, knitting soothes the 

            troubled spirit,

            and it doesn't hurt the untroubled

           spirit either!

         Elizabeth Zimmermann

Hi Everyone!

Knitting may seem a strange topic for this time of year but I'm planning to take yarn and needles to the cottage to teach a friend how to knit this summer so it's on my mind this week.

My Mom taught me to spool knit when I was six and and then to do "real knitting" when I was eight. Some fifty years later, my two younger sisters and I sat in a row in the hallway outside a busy intensive care unit knitting steadily as our Mom lay dying within. We hadn't consulted each other about bringing our knitting to our hallway vigil but, on reflection, there couldn't have been a better way of dealing with our stress or holding space for our mother's end-of-life.

As much by example as anything, Mom taught us to use knitting as a means of mending wounded hearts and as a stress reliever (- though she would never have used those actual words because  she belonged to a generation that didn't believe much in taking time to heal wounds or deal with stress. Life was hard and you just got on with it). If you had been mindful, though, you would have noticed that her knitting came out whenever things were tough at work, when she was worried about one of us kids, when financial resources were scarce or when my dad was having a mental health crisis or drinking too much. 

These days, we know that the knitting Mom used intuitively to deal with stress is showing up positively in the research literature. Knitting has a positive impact on health and wellness and may be part of the solution in reducing compassion fatigue. Studies suggest that knitting decreases stress, creates new neural pathways and can have an antidepressant effect. It can also help alleviate ruminating, delay memory loss and may help slow the onset of Alzheimer Disease. Learning to knit and seeing a finished product can build self esteem. And knitting also offers opportunities for creativity and calms and soothes through repetitive motion and the tactile softness and colour of the yarns.

A small February 2016 study of The Impact of a Knitting Intervention on Compassion Fatigue in Oncology Nurses in the Clinical Journal of Oncology Nursing noted that a knitting intervention, (learning to knit through the non-profit, Project Knitwell, and knitting squares with colleagues during break times), can provide the above positive effects as well as offering opportunities to debrief informally. Using the Pro-QOL before and after a knitting intervention showed a significantly positive change in burnout scores and trends toward significance with the secondary traumatic stress and compassion satisfaction scores. These improved scores applied particularly to younger nurses. It would be interesting to see the results with a larger cohort.

Project Knitwell has published a lovely little booklet called, The Comfort of Knitting: A How to Knit Guide for Caregivers and Families that shares research on knitting and health, teaches you knitting basics and offers 7 easy project patterns. They also offer a list of books on knitting and wellness including:

1.  Knit for Health and Wellness: How to Knit a Flexible Mind and More by Betsan Corkhill (Flatbear Publishing, 2014)

 2.  Love in Every Stitch: Stories of Knitting and Healing  by Lee Gant  (Viva Editions, 2015)

 3.  Knit Red: Stitching for Women's Heart Health by Laura Zander  (Sixth & Spring Books, 2012)

 4.  Knitting Yarns: Writers On Knitting  by Ann Hood  (Norton, 2014)

 5.  Knitting Heaven and Earth: Healing the Heart with Craft by Susan Gordon Lydon  (Potter Craft, 2008)

 6.  The Knitting Way: A Guide to Spiritual Self Discovery by Linda T Skolnik and Janice MacDaniels  (Skylight Paths, 2005)

7.  Mindful Knitting: Inviting Contemplative Practice to the Craft by Tara Jan Manning  (Tuttle, 2004)

 8.  Zen and the Art of Knitting: Exploring the Links Between, Knitting, Spirituality and Creativity by Bernadette Murphy  (Adams Media, 2002)

9.  Crochet Saved My Life: The Mental and Physical Health Benefits of Crochet by Kathryn Vercillo  (Self-published, 2012)

10. The Creativity Cure: How to Build Happiness with Your Own Two Hands by Carrie and Alton Barron   (Scribner, 2012)

Happy stitching, everyone!!

 

A Poem to Ponder ...

Poetry is language 

at its most distilled

and most powerful.

Rita Dove

Hi Everyone!

As regular readers will know, I'm a great lover of poems and blessings. This week, I was gifted with a new-to-me poem by a fellow traveller on an online retreat. It's quickly become a blessing to me and to others in my life. It comes from a book by Dawna Markova called, I Will Not Die an Unlived Life: Reclaiming Purpose and Passion. Today, I re-gift it to you to ponder as spring and new beginnings unfold:

I Will Not Die an Unlived Life

I will not die an unlived life.

 

I will not live in fear

of falling or catching fire.

I choose to inhabit my days, 

to allow my living to open me,

to make me less afraid,

more accessible;

to loosen my heart

until it becomes a wing,

a torch, a promise.

I choose to risk my significance,

to live so that which came to me as seed

goes to the next as blossom,

and that which came to me as blossom,

goes on as fruit.

Read through the poem a few times, if you have the time. What message does it whisper to you? What phrase or phrases shimmer? Is there a next step or new beginning for your life hidden within these words?  

If you would like to know the story of how this short poem has made a difference in the world, find a copy of Dawna's small book, make a comfortable drink and settle in for a surprising tale. Warmly reviewed by the likes of medical educator and reformer, Dr Rachel Remen, and author and master educator, Parker J Palmer, this book, as Rachel says, "... can remind you of who you are and heal your life." 

Beginning Again ...

In the middle of the journey of... life

I found myself astray in a dark wood

where the straight road had been lost sight of.

Dante Alighieri

The Divine Comedy

Hello, Everyone!

The experience of Compassion Fatigue (CF) is one that leads many of us to recognize that we have gone "astray in a dark wood where the straight road had been lost sight of".  It is an experience of lostness, anxiety, confusion and bewilderment. How did I get here? When did the caring person inside me begin to disappear? And, much more importantly, how do I find my way back to that caring self and begin again? 

Beginning again requires that we first take sufficient time to heal CF and then learn new and healthier ways of being and doing. Healing is different from curing. It is about gradually becoming more whole in ourselves rather than necessarily eliminating the signs of CF completely and forever. (Most helping professionals and family caregivers will ebb and flow through the early stages of CF as long as we continue working with people who are traumatized or suffering. The trick is building resilience before hand and then recognizing CF early in its progression so we can do something about it.) 

Beginning again is about re-membering our caring selves in a new way that promotes, not giving from the depths of our wells, but giving only from the overflow. It means transforming our accumulated primary and secondary traumatic stress and learning to reduce our trauma exposure. It means discovering our personal CF early warning signs so we can forestall further forays into "the dark wood". It means intentionally building skills and developing our physical, emotional, spiritual, social and professional lives so we have access to "something more" to ground and sustain us.

We need awareness, knowledge, courage and determination to make these kinds of life changes, one baby step at a time. I hope Celtic philosopher, John O'Donohue's, Blessing for A New Beginning, from To Bless the Space Between Us, will encourage you to take the first steps:

  

Blessing for a New Beginning

In out-of-the-way places of the heart,

Where your thoughts never think to wander,

This beginning has been quietly forming,

Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,

Feeling the emptiness grow inside you,

Noticing how you willed yourself on,

Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety

And the grey promises that sameness whispered,

Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,

Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,

And out you stepped onto new ground,

Your eyes young again with energy and dream,

A path of plentitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not clear

You can trust the promise of this opening;

Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning

That is one with your life's desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;

Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;

Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,

For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

As I leave for a welcome long weekend visit to Vancouver Island, I wish each of you a very Happy Easter  (or whatever Spring observance you enjoy) and all the hopeful brightness of new beginnings!

And, if you are feeling ready to "begin again", do please join us for the Caring On Empty: Creative Tools for Compassion Fatigue Resilience for Helping Professionals workshop May 6th on Granville Island in Vancouver, BC.

Just email Jan at caregiverwellness@shaw.ca for a brochure. (And bring a colleague or friend!) The registration deadline is extended to April 22.

Embracing the Equinox ...

Spring and all its flowers

now joyously break their vow of silence.

Hafiz

 

Hi Everyone!

Today, the Equinox, (a twice yearly time of equal day and night), has arrived, heralding the onset of Spring. And Spring, the beginning of earth's creative cycle, invites us to open to the subtle awakening of the earth and to move with it into our own full blossoming. Spring is a time of renewal and of welcoming new life, a time of beginning again.

Here in Vancouver, we've had a beautiful Spring weekend with trees exploding into bloom, daffodils dancing in the wind and sunlight bouncing from the lakes and ocean. For many, it's been a time of joy and spontaneous activity. For others, these new beginnings have caused a fresh round of melancholy and yearning as the new has, inevitably, triggered echoes of the old.

The Equinox is a time of balance. We have the opportunity to notice and listen deeply to both sides of Spring, the ending and the beginning, to make space to say goodbye to the old and to open our eyes and hearts to whatever is emerging anew. It is also a time to just "be" with the dynamic energy of veriditas, "the greening of Spring", so we can discover our deepest longings, recognize unnoticed gifts and consider the next steps in our journeys of life.

It takes some conscious intention to participate fully in the possibilities of Spring. Poet, Lynn Unger, points out in her wonderful poem, Camas Lilies, that if we are not careful, our busyness can cause us to miss out on precious opportunities for new life:

And you -- what of your rushed and

useful life? Imagine setting it all down --

papers, plans, appointments, everything,

leaving only a note: "Gone to the fields

to be lovely. Be back when I'm through

with blooming."

Our world is full of abundance and creative spark. It is always possible for the old, dry and seemingly deadened within us to spring into life. Why not take a few moments today to notice what is awakening this Spring? What are you seeing around you? What is happening within?


If you would like help to make space for your process of awakening and growing, you are welcome to join us for the Spring 2016 Caring On Empty Workshop for Helping Professionals on May 6th at the Granville Island Hotel in Vancouver. Just email me at caregiverwellness@shaw.ca for a brochure. The registration deadline is extended to April 22nd.

Spring 2016 Vancouver Compassion Fatigue Workshop ...

 The expectation that we can be immersed in suffering and loss daily and not be touched by it, is as unrealistic as being able to walk through water without getting wet.

 Dr Rachel Remen, MD

Hi Everyone!

 

The Caring On Empty: Creative Tools for Compassion Fatigue Resilience for Helping Professionals workshop will be held at the Granville Island Hotel on May 6th this year and we hope you can join us!

Compassion Fatigue, (the natural posttraumatic stress, "fatigued" compassion, diminished desire to be empathic and emotional disengagement from the very people we're trying to help), affects most helping professionals at various times in our careers. It develops as we hear and respond to more and more stories of others' trauma, loss and suffering.

Some warning signs that we may be at risk for developing Compassion Fatigue are the loss of our sense of humour, feed-back from our family and friends that we're not fun anymore, dreading going back to work no matter how much time we've had off, profound exhaustion, sleep difficulties, irritability, anger and cynicism, uncivil behaviour, anxiety, emotional numbness or over-reactivity, social isolation, self medicating, increased sick time and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.   

This small (only 25 seats), discovery-based, multidisciplinary workshop will provide a safe and reflective space for:

*  Exploring the concept of Compassion Fatigue (CF) and how it differs from burnout,

*  Discovering your current CF risk and identifying personal early warning signs,

*  Assessing your current level of self care and learning to reduce trauma exposure,

*  Learning positive, practical strategies for reducing CF risk and building resilience and

*  Creating an ongoing personal resilience plan.

The workshop uses mini-lectures, film, self-reflection exercises and group interaction to help participants awaken to their current level of CF risk and create a personalized resilience plan. Others have loved the relaxed energy of this workshop and left asking for more!

So, if your work involves hearing stories of others' trauma and suffering - health care professionals and support staff, educators, therapists and counsellors, addiction workers, family court lawyers and judges, journalists, humanitarian workers, first responders, translators and interpreters, social service providers, clergy and pastoral care workers, and others -  this is the workshop for you. I hope to see you there! 

PLEASE NOTE:  The registration deadline is extended to April 22nd. 

You can email Jan at caregiverwellness@shaw.ca for a registration brochure.

Please share this information with colleagues and friends - Anti-Spam Legislation makes it more difficult to tell people about the workshop this year. Thank you!  Jan 

Softening A Hardened Heart ...

There is beauty to seeing stone 

turned to moist soil, broken open, receptive

to the seeds of love.

Omid Safi

Hi Everyone!

Last time, we spoke about how our hearts can become hardened through repeated exposure to our own and others' trauma. Today, I'd like to move on to how we can begin to soften our hearts, allowing us to receive more love, nurture and support.

We all have a wall around our hearts. According to Persian tradition, the heart is a walled garden, an inner garden protected by an outer wall. When we have experienced great pain, our own or others', that wall can become a hardened fortress, protecting us but also keeping out the very ones who could be a source of our healing and renewal.

Omid Safi, Director of the Islamic Studies Centre at Duke University, likens this hardened heart to dry land - hard, parched and cracked. To break it open, to till and water it so it is ready to receive a seed of love, (a kind glance, a touch, a word, a compassionate action), takes time, patience, effort and vulnerability.

As Professor Safi says:

The seed of love falls on the heart's soil. Is it a hardened earth, a rock-covered surface, one that will have the seed washed away with the first water? Or is it a soil that has been prepared, tilled, softened up, opened up again and again and again, ready to embrace the seed of love that would surely come?

When we suffer Compassion Fatigue, our hearts' soil hardens and we become less receptive to the seeds of love sown by our colleagues, family and friends. As we recognize and acknowledge that this is the case, we can consciously make an effort to till, water and soften that soil.

Three ways we can soften the soil of our hearts are to practice self compassion, learn heart-centered spiritual practices and consciously allow ourselves to open up and become more vulnerable in our daily relationships.

1.  Self-compassion researcher, Kristin Neff, describes self-compassion as, "acting the same way toward yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don't like about yourself, as you would toward a friend." She says that instead of just ignoring your pain with a "stiff upper lip" mentality, you stop to tell yourself, "This is really difficult right now. How can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?" You can learn more about practicing self-compassion on her website. 

2.  Heart-centered spiritual practices can be found in most spiritual traditions. The point of these practices is not to resolve our emotions or to figure them out but to simply to allow them to have some space within us without pushing them away. Here is one (slightly abridged) practice written by Christine Valters Paintner, PhD, Benedictine Abbess of the virtual online monastery, Abbey of the Arts.  (It is a simple practice that should only take about 5 or 10 minutes to complete.)

1.  Begin by becoming aware of your body. Notice how your body is feeling simply by being present to sensations you are experiencing, welcoming in both the body's delight and discomfort. 

2.  Connect to your breath, deepening it gently. As you inhale, imagine Love breathing life into you. As you exhale, allow yourself to experience a moment of release and surrender into this time and place, becoming fully present. Take a couple of cycles of breath to simply notice this life-sustaining rhythm which continues moment by moment even when you are unaware of it.

 3.  In your imagination, gently allow your breath to carry your awareness from your head (which is your thinking, analyzing, judging center) down to your heart center (where you experience life from a place of greater integration, feeling, and intuition). Consider placing your hand on your heart to experience a physical connection with your heart center and draw your awareness to this place.

 4.  Breathe into your heart center and begin to notice what you are feeling right now in this moment without judging or trying to change it. Take a few moments to simply be present to whatever you are feeling and making some room within yourself to experience this without pushing it away (this alone can be revolutionary for many of us - to just allow ourselves to have the experience we are having without judgment.)

 5.  Call to mind the spark of Love which the ancient monks and mystics tell us dwells in your heart. Bring the compassion of Love to however you are feeling right now, not trying to change anything, but just gently holding yourself in this space.

 6.  As you experience yourself filling with compassion for your own experience, imagine breathing that compassion out into the world and connecting with other hearts beating across the world in a rhythm of love.

 7.  Gently allow your breath to bring your awareness back to the room and take a moment to name or write what you noticed in this experience.

3.  Becoming more vulnerable to others, the third way we can soften the soil of our hearts, may seem like a risky weakness in our toughness-saturated workplaces. But, as shame and vulnerability researcher, Brene Brown, writes, "Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness."

It takes honesty and courage to open ourselves to speak from our tender places and to receive the healing love of others. While it is important to choose wisely those with whom you will be vulnerable, it is also important to have people in your life with whom you can really be yourself, "warts and all", knowing that you will be accepted and respected. To learn more about intentional  vulnerability, try listening to Brene's TED Talk on The Power of Vulnerability .

There are many more wonderful ways to soften the soil of our hearts but these three are a good start. Let me  leave you, once again, with the words of Omid Safi - There is beauty in stone being turned to moist soil, broken open, receptive to the seeds of love.

May this Valentine's Day bring each of you an opportunity to soften your heart and receive some much needed seeds of love.